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One of the biggest mistakes that students can make when starting University is expecting their housemates to be their best friend. This mentality can set you up for failure and lead to problematic situations that escalate.
Our Top Tips
Set Boundaries
Regardless of if you’re living with a good friend, stranger and/or new housemates, it’s important to set rules and establish boundaries early. Create a roommate agreement that outlines house rules and give you something to refer to. The housemate agreement can include things such as quiet times, cleanliness standards/cleaning schedule and payment for communal items.
Address Problem ASAP
When a problem happens, address it as soon as possible. Failure to do so may result in your housemate thinking that you approve of their behaviour. Make sure when you are addressing the problem that you’re calm and collected. Provide specific examples, be objective, state facts – particularly when referring to cleanliness of the communal areas. Refer them to the housemate agreement.
Set A Good Example
Be the housemate you’d want to have and lead by example. Contributing positively to the communal spaces is a great way to avoid the drama and avoid being considered a hypocrite. For instance, if you don't want dirty dishes left in your sink, wash your dishes every day.
Ask Questions
Before you assume your housemate is actively trying to be a horrible mate, ask questions as there may be an explanation for their behaviour. If they are struggling and remorseful, ask how you can help make it easier. It may be that you are the bad roommate or that they find you an overbearing roommate. Listen to what they have to say, and then figure out a plan to improve your shared living situation.
Find an Escape
No matter how hard you to de-escalate and be a positive housemate, your housemate might still get on your nerves. Find a place that you can escape to distress, focus (e.g. on coursework) and take your mind of things. If you’re feeling frustrated to the extent you’re going flip out, stepping way from situation and clearing your head will help. This will prevent you from acting in a way that you might forget.
Mediation
If a direct conversation doesn't work, you can seek mediation through a neutral third party. Each hall of residence has dedicated Resident Advisors who can help serve as mediator and help resolve the problems with your housemate.
Formal Complaint
If the problems persist, especially with noise or harassment, you can report it to the Student Living Team. They may step in to address the issues under their tenancy agreements. Depending on the type of conflict, you can also report the student to Community Policing Team.
References
https://www.cnbc.com/2018/09/21/5-ways-to-deal-with-a-bad-roommate-.html#:~:text=Ask%20for%20help.%20If%20you%20have%20raised,you%20may%20need%20to%20ask%20for%20help
https://www.kopa.co/blog/posts/10-ways-to-deal-with-a-bad-roommate
https://www.salliemae.com/blog/how-to-deal-with-a-bad-roommate/
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/scotland/housing/problems-during-a-tenancy-s/problems-with-flatmates-and-sharers/