Effects on survivors
1. Everyone reacts differently to SA, depending on the circumstances they are in and nature of the assault and every form of reaction is valid. Afterwards survivors often feel confused, alone and scared, and it is not uncommon to develop trauma or even PTSD. The impacts can appear straight away but may take days, weeks or months to emerge. It can have a long-lasting effects on various aspects of the victim’s life, including but not limited to their:
- physical and mental health
- employment and finances
- sex life
- relationships of any sort
- behaviour and habits
- social life
2. Traumatic experiences like these can have a massive toll on survivor’s’ mental health, irrespective of whether it included physical violence or not. Survivors feelings often include:
- Shame, feeling “dirty”
- Guilt
- Anger
- Sadness
- Anxiety
- Loneliness, isolation
- Emptiness or numbness
- Hatred towards themselves, feeling worthless
- Confusion
- Fear of intimacy
- Suicidal thoughts
- Tiredness, stress
- Hopelessness and feeling overwhelmed
Harmless comments
1. SA is a difficult topic and it is not always easy to approach it. It is really important to know how and what to say to people who have experienced it. Unfortunately, many people get it wrong and say things that can be extremely hurtful even without realising their impact.
What not to say/examples:
- “You went back to their house, what did you think was going to happen?”
- “You just regret sleeping with them, it does not mean it was SA”
- “Why didn’t you fight back? You didn’t refuse loud/long enough”
- “What were you wearing?”
- “If it really happened why didn’t you report it?”
- “Why are you saying it just now and not right after it happened?”
- “Are you sure you didn’t enjoy it?”
- “It could’ve been worse, they didn’t hurt you (physically)”
- “You were in relationship, it doesn’t count”
- “Well, you shouldn’t have drunk this much”
- “It can’t happen to men”
- “Why do you keep bringing it up”
- “Isn’t it time to forgive and move on?”
- “Not all men are like that”
- “They didn’t mean it like that”
- “Its not such a big deal, it happens to a lot of people”
- “You should’ve known better”
- “Did you say “no”?”
2. It is really important that the survivors feel validated and listened to, it is important not judge them and to focus on how they’re feeling. Instead say things like:
- It wasn’t your fault
- You’re worthy of support and time to heal
- I believe you
- You can talk about it as much as you want and need to
- You didn’t deserve it
- I’m sorry you went through that, it shouldn’t have happened to you
- You’re not alone
- I’m here to listen